The Weight of Weight

Some days I wake up and I feel good. Not health wise (ha!) but just about myself. My hair lays right, my clothes fit, I feel cute.  Other days I wake up, have 13 chins, feel like a busted can of biscuits in my clothes, and just generally feel gross about myself. This is all on me. No one makes me feel bad about how I look. In fact, my husband swears (and I believe he is sincere) that he sees me the same way he did when we were 17 year olds in high school.

I will get on these gung ho health kicks that last all of about, oh, a month or two. I’ve been gluten free, I’ve been vegan, I’ve done Weight Watchers, I’ve done Trim Healthy Mama, I’ve done Herbalife, I did Body By Vi and that is just what I can think of off the top of my head. None of them worked for me because I didn’t want to work. I know people who have had great success with all of the above, but not me. I think it comes down to being lazy maybe? I want to care, but in my mind I’m just not at that point where I want to commit to anything like that.

They say with drug addicts or alcoholics, they have to first WANT to quit. You can cry and scream in their face all day, show them statistics, try to scare them straight but until that switch flips in their head that THEY want out it’s falling on deaf ears. The same can be said for losing weight or getting healthy. I mean, yeah, I get it. If I could lose a few pounds, my psoriatic arthritis may ease some. If I could get healthy maybe my fatigue would decrease. If I could eat right maybe I wouldn’t be so self conscious in a swim suit. But you know what? Maybe not. I could loose 50 pounds and still feel crappy about myself.

So for now I’m going to do what I want (like I was ever NOT going to do that!). I’m going to eat fresh fruits and veggies but I’m going to have a coke when I want. I’m going to go for a walk when I’m feeling able but I’m also going to sit my butt in my chair and let my body rest. I’m going to make good choices some days and bad ones on others. And the older I get, the more I am ok with that.


One thought on “The Weight of Weight

  1. I went from overweight to an athlete and I agree so much with your post. I’ve gained so many benefits but the self awareness and body anxiety is worse actually. Scale and mirror check the first thing when I wake up and rarely happy with the feedback.


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