I can count on one….uh….finger the times I have literally, audibly heard God’s voice. I’ve been moved by Him, felt His presence, and have had Him place ideas or thoughts on my heart but his actual voice? Once. And it was enough to shake me to my core. Honestly, it happened not that long ago during a time in my life where I was feeling quite pitiful about myself and my situation. It was like God knew he needed to do something drastic to pull me out of it.
It was a perfect storm of life’s difficulties. My job as a Title 1 public school nurse was wearing on me. It’s hard to day in and day out see and hear some of the things that I do. You go from thinking you can save the world to thinking this world is a terrible place where bad things happen to good kids. Usually I am able to stay positive and know that I’m making at least a small difference but I was super down about all of it at this time. I was questioning how long I could subject myself to this.
Add to that my health. That elephant in the room that is just always there, looming, waiting to ruin everything. I was feeling annoyed about being sick. The medications I was taking for my psoriatic arthritis seemed to make me feel just as bad as not taking any at all. I hurt all the time, I was tired all the time, and I was quite frankly sick of being sick. I was questioning how I was going to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.
I was also feeling like a failure at home. My job was to pour myself into children all day so when I got home to my own I was short with them. I found myself getting annoyed at the smallest things they would do. My health made it nearly impossible for me to keep up with laundry and cleaning. I was annoyed that the house was a cluster and even more annoyed that I was physically unable to do anything about it. Sure, the kids and the hubs helped but then I felt even worse for just lying around while they did everything.
As you can see, I was feeling pretty dang sorry for myself! I was at work one afternoon and decided to put on a clip of the new Bible study on Jonah I was going to be starting in a month or so. As I was listening to it and tidying up around my clinic I heard it. It was a voice as plain as day, as if it was from someone standing right in the room with me: “It’s supposed to be hard” is what He said. I felt every single hair on my body stand up and it felt like electricity was running through me. I knew it was God and I knew He was right. No where in the Bible does it ever say life is going to be peachy keen and easy. No where does it say that since I follow Jesus everything in my life is going to be amazing. What it does say though it that we have this hope that anchors our soul in Jesus. So I can cling to Him knowing that there is hope I am making a difference to these students of mine, there is hope that I will feel better one day, there is hope that I can get the laundry 8 people totally and completely caught up. He gave me these things in my life because He knew I could handle it. And when I lean on Him, I know I can.